


Apples

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 13:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mikami was blessed with the Death Note, given to him by God himself, he had no idea what horrors he was in for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apples

Mikami could hardly believe it. He had done everything in his power to make Kira –No, _God-_ notice him, and it had actually worked! There before him was the source of God's power, sent by the glorious deity himself! Mikami cried with joy, overwhelmed by this too-good-to-be-true turn of events. The attorney's moment was sadly ruined by a cackle, echoing out from…inside the couch!? The source of the noise popped his great ugly head from the seat of the couch, floating up and out, his massive mouth open in a never-ending cycle of condescending laughter as he lounged about midair.

"Ah, Ryuk…It's a pleasure to meet you!" Mikami bowed in reverence to the great Shinigami, whom he had been informed about in the letter sent by God.

"Heh heh, yeah, yeah, same." Ryuk waved off Mikami's formal greeting with a clawed hand, his snout of a nose turned up as he sniffed the air. "Say…Ya got any apples?"

"A-Apples?" Mikami was caught off guard by this question that seemingly came out of nowhere, much like the thing that had asked said question.

"Yep. You know, those…Eh, now how would you describe them? Those red, juicy fruits? Emphasis on the _juicy._ " Ryuk was salivating already just thinking about those heavenly apples.

"I know what they are, I just…I'm sorry, I don't have any apples." Mikami usually had such basic fruits on hand, but being a lonely bachelor, he sometimes forgot to do the groceries. Not wanting to displease the Shinigami, he cried, "I'll go get some right away!" He turned to grab his coat, stopping short when he noticed the time. 11:00, which meant no stores would be open. "I apologize. Would it be alright if we waited until tomorrow?" Teru certainly hoped it would be alright. He didn't know what he would do with himself if he somehow angered the scary looking god of death.

"I guess." Ryuk gave a disappointed shrug. "It's gonna be a long night for the both of us, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Three words." Ryuk held up three fingers to represent the dreaded words to come. "Apple withdrawal symptoms."

\--

Mikami stared at himself in the mirror, the barely perceptible dark lines underneath his eyes magnified almost a hundred times by his glasses. Ryuk didn't lie when he said it was going to be a long night. The Shinigami had been restlessly flying around all night; the oft repeated mantra of "Apples – Feed me apples!" still soaring through Teru's sleep deprived mind. There were even bite marks on the furniture! He couldn't wait to go to the grocery store and just be done with it all.

He practically flew down the street, his fast pace more brisk than usual. _Maybe God made a mistake._ He thought to himself as Ryuk twisted his body into all sorts of mind boggling shapes, his screams (Apples being the subject of those screams, of course) steadily progressing in both pitch and volume. _No, God **never** makes mistakes._ Mikami convinced himself, quickly paying for the apples and all but shoving them at Ryuk.

Ryuk bit into the apple, the calming affect it had on him comparable to when you give a baby its bottle. Mikami breathed a sigh of relief.

\--

"Apples! I need more apples! D;dkfj;dkjfdf…"

It had been only one week since Ryuk had been here, and already Mikami felt like he could die from stress. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to shut out all the whines and complaints. He turned to the god of death, not quite sure how to break the news to him. The sight was a most grotesque one indeed. He didn't think it was possible for a Shinigami to become fat, but Ryuk just had to go and prove that theory wrong.

"Ryuk, I'm sorry, but…I can barely afford to keep up with this apartment now, much less buy you more apples." Mikami tried to put this gently, but Ryuk was starting to _really_ get on his nerves.

"You cruel bastard!" Ryuk cried.

Mikami didn't want to complain, but… _Maybe sometimes God really does make mistakes._

\--

"It's a great support group, I promise! They really helped me to get back on my feet. Now I only say delete a hundred times a day instead of a thousand like I used to!"

"But I don't wanna go!" Ryuk, though opposed to the idea of going to a support group with Mikami, found himself following the attorney anyway.

"Here we are." Mikami opened the door for himself, figuring that if Ryuk could walk through a solid wall if he so desired he should have no trouble with the door. Teru joined the circle of people gathered, setting his briefcase down by his chair. "You can't see my friend right now, so I shall be talking through him. His name is Ryuk. Say hi, Ryuk."

"Hyuk hyuk, hello there." Ryuk waved from his floating position by Mikami's shoulder.

Of course the group couldn't hear or see the apple addicted Shinigami, so they simply paused for a moment before saying, "Hi, Ryuk." The leader of the group spoke next. "Now, Ryuk, what seems to be the problem?"

"I have none-"

"He's addicted to apples, and it's starting to get in the way of his life and other normal things that are expected from the living," Mikami told everyone, ignoring Ryuk.

"Such a tragedy for one so young." The leader shook his head sadly. "Let us all bow our heads and pray for a speedy recovery for Ryuk." The group bowed their heads. Mikami looked back and forth at the sea of downturned head before hastily following suit. "O Kira who art still on earth, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…" The prayer went on for about twenty more minutes, before the leader finally concluded with a reverently whispered, "Amen." Everyone murmured "Amen" before lifting up their heads from their clasped hands, revealing bleary eyes, some tear streaked. "Now, we shall reflect some more. Please look down at your WWKD bracelets. For those of you who are new here, that's What Would Kira Do, and you can get these at the front desk…"


End file.
